|
|
|
When a group assails our identity and reality, it has attacked everything we have. With this in mind, we can see why individual recovery from membership in the International Churches of Christ (ICC) is so difficult for so many. The ICC systematically attacks not only members’ sense of identity and reality, it seeks to actually change their identity and reality. According to the Identity/Reality model, there should be at least four themes to ICC recovery: · restoring a person’s ability to discern who they are · restoring elements of the person’s prior identity · restoring a person’s ability to discern and test reality · restoring a person’s ability to control their own reality Actual recovery from an ICC experience will be more complex – and individual – than any simple list could represent. However, typically, recovery will involve these four aspects of identity and reality. Discerning identity Former members usually need to reassess who they are once they’ve left the International Churches of Christ, as many have been stripped of their prior sense of identity. Accurate perception of identity can be helped by former members spending time with the people who have known them best. Time with old friends and with family can help former members to recall positive things about the pre-group self, and discard any myths the group may have created about their prior life: that they were all bad, always unloving, always selfish, etc. Former members can ask family and friends how they changed while in the ICC, and which changes they saw as positive vs. which changes they saw as negative. Former members can reflect: Who did the group want me to be? Who do I want to be now that I have left? Did I become more like Jesus in the group, or more like other ICC members? Did my imitation of ICC members or leaders produce any traits in me that I now don’t like? Did the group’s use of guilt lower my self-esteem? How did the group define my personal worth? Was this an acceptable way of measuring myself, or do I need to adjust the criteria? For many ICC members, the feeling of self-worth came from doing the specific and myriad things that the group considered important. After leaving, former members may need to discard this “checklist” mentality in favor of more healthy and realistic measures of self-worth. Quieting the internal voices that say “you’re not good enough” will help ICC former members to recover a healthy sense of self. If it’s not too painful, they may also find it helpful to review the ICC’s basic teachings (see The ICC Bible Studies: A Critical Analysis) and consider how these teachings changed their view of self. Restoring identity Former ICC members who altered their identity significantly to align it with the group may need to restore parts of their pre-ICC identity after leaving. Over time, former members can decide whether they want to pursue a spiritual path after leaving the ICC and what that path will be. People who converted to Christianity at the time they joined the ICC may consider whether they chose this path freely to begin with, and revisit this decision with true freedom of choice. Former members who remain Christians can consider whether the ICC’s expression of Christianity was healthy or needs to be modified. Former ICC members may want to resume old activities that were important to them before joining -- but that the group decided were not worthwhile. If former members miss things about “the old me,” they can put themselves in situations that help elicit those qualities. Former ICC members may need to get back in touch with emotions that have been suppressed in the group (e.g., anger). They can consider the role that sexuality will play in their future life, and whether the group’s view of sexuality needs adjusting. Restoration of identity does not mean that people negate personal growth that may have occurred while in the ICC. They may have learned while in the group to overcome to overcome shyness or to be better organized. They may have quit substance abuse or stopped other destructive behaviors. They may have experienced genuine spiritual conversions and may continue pursuing this new spiritual path after leaving. These positive changes can remain intact while people reassert their true personality. Discerning reality Having left a group that promoted an absolute and sometimes skewed version of reality, former ICC members may need to reassess their worldview. Spending time with non-ICC peers and catching up on news and general culture can be a positive start. Informational tools are a crucial reality-testing aids for former ICC members. Books and Web sites about the ICC or cults in general are extraordinarily valuable toward understanding their experience in the group, as are videos, etc. (If former members find themselves hungering strongly for information about the group, it is because of their need for new reality checks.) Speaking to other former ICC members individually or in support groups can be reassuring, and can help validate one's own reasons for leaving the ICC. Hearing the experiences of others can assuage feelings that “I’m all alone” or “Only I am going through this.” To test reality effectively, former ICC members may need to re-learn critical thinking about the group. ICC “loaded language” steers members away from being critical – as one ICC article even put it, “Critical thinking is ‘stinkin thinkin.’ It is trusting ourselves, and not God.”(1) However, “critical” according to the dictionary can mean “exercising or involving careful judgement or judicious evaluation.” Judicious thinking is not inherently “evil” – in fact, the Bible encourages it. Former members can question previously questioned aspects of their ICC experience – considering how the group misinterprets the Bible, whether the group acts unethically in spite of often good intentions, whether the ICC’s portrayal of its own history is accurate, and whether the group’s sharp doctrinal shifts belie top leaders’ claims to a special connection with God. Testing reality can also involve overturning myths and fallacies ingrained by the ICC (see Fallacies). Former members can obliterate the ICC myth that there are no legitimate spiritual options outside the ICC. They can re-examine the group’s claims about other religious groups: did the ICC portray other religious groups fairly and accurately? They can learn how the ICC misrepresented what a cult is and how a cult operates. They can conquer fears the group ingrained in them about leaving. Former ICC members can benefit from looking at reality in new ways. They can learn that not all events have discernable spiritual causes, and recognize that some things may happen randomly or for logical reasons. They can learn to identify polar, black-and-white thinking in others and themselves, embracing reality with its shades of gray. Most importantly, former members can firmly ground their understanding of their ICC experience by knowing its theological, ethical and psychological dimensions. Controlling reality Having left a group that orchestrated their reality for them, former ICC members may need to reassert control of their own personal reality. Although it might initially feel difficult, making autonomous decisions – without the input of the group – is a step in the right direction. Former members can resume control over their own schedule, spending time on the activities they want to pursue, setting their own priorities and deciding when rest is important. They can reassert control over their career by pursuing the opportunities that they find most rewarding. They can resume control over their finances – perhaps drained by years of sacrifice for the ICC organization. They can decide where to live and with whom, and can reconnect with family, friends, and significant others. While former members of the International Churches of Christ can't change the past or recover time spent in the group, they can learn from the experience and move forward to live enriching lives. For more recovery tips for former ICC members, click here. Notes: (1) Bill Dunn, “Are You Living the Life?,” The Tampa
Bay Church website,icc-tampa.org, January 2000. |
|
|